你能記住的只是些精彩 間
——《美國麗人》中萊斯特的最后獨白

繪◎修介

你能記住的只是些精彩 間
——《美國麗人》中萊斯特的最后獨白

You can Only Remember Those Wonderful Moments

繪◎修介

They said your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when you die， it's not really your entire life， it's just the moment that stood out， and they are not the ones you'd expected， either. The moment you remember are tiny ones， some you haven't thought of in years， if you've thought them at all， but in the last second of your life， you remember them with a astonishing clarity①clarity 英 ［'kl?r?t?］ 美 ［'kl?r?ti］ n. 清楚，明晰；透明， because they are just too beautiful， that they must have been imprinted in a cellular②cellular 英 ［'selj?l?］ 美 ［'s?lj?l?］ adj. 細胞的；多孔的；由細胞組成的 n. 移動電話；單元level.

For me it was， lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp， watching falling stars， and yellow leaves from the ginkgo③ginkgo 英 ［'g??kg??； 'g??k??］美 ［'g??kgo］ n. ［植］ 銀杏；銀杏樹trees that lined our street； or my grandmother's hands， and the way her skin seemed like paper， and the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new GTO； And， the way I felt when Angela first smile at me.

I guessed I could be pretty pissed off④be pissed off 發怒about what happen to me， but it's hard to stay mad， when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once， and it's too much，my heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax， and stop trying hold on to it， and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment for my stupid little life.

他們說，在你死去的瞬間，你的一生都會從你的眼前一閃而過，其實，閃過的并不是你的一生，只是那些精彩的瞬間。你回想起的都是曾經顯得那么渺小，有些甚至你從來不曾想過的片段。但在你生命的最后關頭，你會記得無比清晰，因為它們是如此美好，應該被刻骨銘心地寫入回憶中。

對于我，它們就意味著當我還是小男孩時，躺在童子軍帳營外的草地上看著流星劃過夜空，或者在我們家的大街上拾起銀杏樹上飄落的片片黃葉，還有我的奶奶，她的手摸起來感覺像是一張紙，還有當我第一次看到我的堂兄托尼開著一輛紅色的火鳥跑車，還有，當安吉拉對我微笑時我心中涌起的激蕩情懷。

我想，我也許會對發生在自己身上的事感到氣憤，但一想到這世間有那么美好的事物，我一下子就豁然開朗了。有時我會想把它們一覽無余盡收眼底，但是它們的分量實在是太過沉重，我的心會像一個氣球一樣脹滿，隨時要炸開一般。于是我學會了怎樣放手，不再緊抓不放。然后，它們像雨水一般，流過了我的身體，我不再有任何感覺，除了對我那卑微生命中的每一刻所充滿的無限感激。