與母親“同居”的日子

by Gisselle Perez 譯/Sherry Zhang

自擺脫嬰兒床后，我就一直和母親同睡一張床，不是因為我是“長不大的孩子”，不是因為我不夠自立，而是在我成長的那個擁擠的家里，我根本就找不到任何私人空間。如今，我快大學畢業了，也終于有了屬于自己的房間和床，但獨眠之初，我竟無法安睡了??

The last time I slept alone, it was in a crib. Ever since then, I have shared a bed with my mother. And this is in Washington Heights, a Manhattan neighborhood known for its relatively affordable and spacious apartments.

I guess our place, with its four bedrooms, is considered big by many standards. But with only one bathroom, it definitely wasnt meant for eight people.

Theres my mother, 61, and my father, 82, and my Uncle Ramon, who has lived with us since he got his green card back in January 2000. Then there are the twins, Elaine and Rosemary, my 30-year-old sisters. And last year my 27-year-old sister, Vanessa, was laid off from her job in Virginia Beach and wound up1) moving back home with her 3-year-old daughter. She is pregnant, due this August. Were like the Dominican2) Kardashians3), with all of the drama but none of the wealth.

According to 2011 census data, 10 percent of women (and 19 percent of men) age 25 to 34 live in their parents homes. Im 24, and for women in my age bracket4) the figure is 50 percent—though that includes college students living in dorms, something that wasnt an affordable option for me. Demographers say that the trend is rising—that it started going up before the recession, and has only continued since.

But I dont feel like part of a new trend. It just seems normal to me. Since the age of 13, I have been waking up early to prepare breakfast for my family, anything from farina5)—basically Cream of Wheat—to eggs, bacon and mangu, a plantain mash. My father never went to school and my mother only went to third grade, so reading and translating were also my responsibility. I wore hand-me-down6) clothes from my sisters. There were times we slept on the couch because there werent enough mattresses7). Our lives were based on traditional values about the importance of family, values many of our neighbors shared. I love my parents, but it was hard taking care of them when I was still a child myself. I got really stressed and cried at times.

Later, it was hard to date because I didnt want to bring a guy to my house where he could see how crowded it was. Most of all, I didnt want anyone to find out that I had to share a bed with my mother. Because she was a noisy and restless sleeper, my father refused to share a bed or even a room with her. He had his own room, and so did my uncle. Since I was the youngest girl, I had to bunk8) with my mother, while my sisters shared the last room. It meant that, even at 3 a.m., when everyone was asleep, I still didnt have any privacy.

In the last few years Ive been taking night classes, which means I have some quiet time at home during the day and also that I can take a long shower in the afternoon, instead of fighting everyone for bathroom time in the morning. But a few months ago I found out that our apartment was going to get even more crowded. Uncle Ramons wife and his five adult children, who all have kids of their own, have always lived in the Dominican Republic. In October he was finally able to get visas for them. We were their only immediate relatives in the United States, which meant they were going to move into our overcrowded apartment. With 13 new people arriving, our apartment would soon look like an urban soup kitchen9), like a clown car10) where people just keep popping out.

Just when I was about to reach my breaking point, my mother came to me with the news that Uncle Ramons family wasnt moving in after all, that theyd found a place in New Jersey. Even more surprising: my uncle was moving there with them. Suddenly, for the first time ever, there was a vacant room in our apartment. I was sure my sisters and I were going to fight for the available space, and that it would probably go to Vanessa, her daughter and the new baby. But Elaine, who has always been a thoughtful sister, convinced my mother to give it to me, saying it was finally time for me to have my own space. Everyone else agreed.

I immediately decided to mark my territory. I painted one wall pink and the rest a pale silver to make the room look bigger. I bought a television and a new mattress, all my own. But my first night in the new room, I kept waking up every hour, nervous and sweating. After all this time, I didnt know how to sleep without my mother! It felt like I was going through withdrawal11).

It took a month before I could sleep the full night, but now that Im used to it, I feel like Ill never be able to share a bed with someone else again. When I graduate this month, Ill be the first person in my family with a four-year college degree. Im trying to line up a full-time job, and I have already started applying for apartments in Chelsea, Hells Kitchen12) and the Bronx—anywhere but Washington Heights. Until then, every night in my own bed, I find peace, stretching my arms and legs out as far as I like.

記得上回我一個人睡時，我還在嬰兒床里。自打那以后，我就一直和媽媽睡在同一張床上。我家住在華盛頓高地，一個位于曼哈頓的社區，這里以擁有價格相對合理、寬敞開闊的公寓房而聞名。

我家有四個臥室，無論從哪個標準來看，我想我們家都稱得上寬敞開闊。但家里只有一個衛生間，這可絕對不夠八個人用。

家里住著我61歲的母親、82歲的父親和雷蒙叔叔。雷蒙叔叔在2000年1月拿回了他的綠卡后就一直和我們住在一起。此外，家里還住著我的一對雙胞胎姐姐——伊蓮和羅斯瑪麗，她們都30歲了。去年，我27歲的姐姐凡妮莎在維吉尼亞灣的工作丟了，最后也只好帶著她三歲的女兒回來住。她還懷著孩子，預產期在今年8月。我家就像在多米尼亞共和國度假的金·卡戴珊家族一樣，極富戲劇性，但沒有他們所坐擁的財富。

2011年人口普查的數據顯示，25歲至34歲的人群中，有10%的女性和19%的男性住在父母家里。我今年24歲，我這個年齡的女性有50%住在父母家里——當然這個數字包含了住宿舍的大學生，而宿舍我是住不起的。人口統計學家說，子女與父母同住的現象正呈現上升趨勢——這一上升趨勢開始于美國經濟衰退前，之后一直有增無減。

但我不覺得自己這種情況是什么新趨勢。這一切對我來說太平常了。從13歲起，我就早早起來為一家人準備早餐，早餐內容各式各樣，有谷粉(主要是麥乳)、雞蛋、火腿，還有“滿谷”(一種香蕉糊)。我父親沒上過學，母親只念到三年級，因此為家人閱讀和翻譯也成了我的責任。我身上穿的是姐姐穿過的舊衣服。有時睡墊不夠，我們就睡在沙發上。與其他諸多鄰里一樣，我們在生活中秉持“以家庭為重”的傳統價值觀。我愛我的父母，但我自己還是個孩子，就要照顧他們的生活，實在是很艱難。我覺得壓力非常大，時不時就要哭鼻子。

再后來，與人約會也成了一件難事，因為我不想帶個男孩子回家，讓他看到我的家里人滿為患。最主要的是，我不想讓任何人發現我得和母親睡一張床。母親睡覺很吵，又睡得不安生，所以父親不愿和她住同一張床，甚至不愿和她住同一個房間。父親自己住一個房間，叔叔也一樣。由于我是家里最小的女孩，所以我只能和母親睡一張床，而我的姐姐們占了家里最后一個房間。這就意味著即便是在凌晨三點鐘，家里的每個人都進入夢鄉時，我還是沒有任何自己的私人空間。

在過去的幾年中，我一直在上夜校，這就意味著我白天能在家有點清凈的時光，下午也能好好沖個澡，而不用一大早起來就和所有人搶衛生間了。然而，幾個月前，我得知，我們家將變得更加擁擠。雷蒙叔叔的妻子和他們五個已成年的孩子(他們各自也都有孩子)一直住在多米尼加共和國。今年10月，雷蒙叔叔終于能為他們辦理簽證了。我們是他們在美國唯一的直系親屬，這就意味著他們即將搬到我們這個已經擁擠不堪的公寓里來。再來13個人，我們的公寓很快就會成為城市貧民救濟處了，就像馬戲團里的小丑車，源源不斷地有人冒出來。

就在我快要崩潰的時候，母親突然告訴我說雷蒙叔叔一家不會搬過來了，他們已經在新澤西找到了住處。更讓我意外的是，雷蒙叔叔會搬去和他家人一起住。突然之間，我家有史以來第一次多出來一個空房間?？梢钥隙ǖ氖?，我和姐姐們都會爭奪這間空房，而“獲勝者”可能是凡妮莎、她的女兒和她剛出生的寶寶。但最終，一直都很體貼周到的姐姐伊蓮說服了母親，讓她把房間給了我，說最終也該輪到我在家里擁有私人空間了。對此其他人都沒有異議。

我立即決定明確標示自己的地盤。我把一面墻刷成粉色，其他幾面刷成淺銀色，這樣房間看起來會大一些。我買了電視和新的床墊——全歸我自己享用。但住在新房間里的第一晚，我每個小時都會醒一次，惶惶不安，不停出汗。在與母親同住了這么多年以后，沒有她在身邊，我竟不知道該如何安睡了！這就像在經歷一個艱難的“脫癮”期。

過了一個月后，我總算能整宿安睡了。不過，既然我習慣自己睡了，就覺得以后再也無法容忍和別人共享一張床了。這個月我就畢業了，我將是家里第一個拿到四年大學學位的人。我正在努力找一份全職工作，也已經開始申請位于切爾西、地獄廚房和布朗克斯地區的公寓——反正只要是不在華盛頓高地就好。在那之前，我會每晚在自己的床上感受安寧，盡情地舒展身軀。

1. wind up：最終淪落到；最終落得；(以……)告終

2. Dominican [d??m?n?k?n] adj. 多米尼亞共和國的

3. Kardashian：金·卡戴珊(Kim Kardashian, 1980～)，好萊塢當紅真人秀明星、社交名媛。2012年的復活節期間，她帶領眾多家庭成員前往多米尼亞共和國度假。

4. bracket [?br?k?t] n. (年齡、收入等的)等級段；檔次；屬同一等級段的人們

5. farina [f??ra?n?] n. 古粉，淀粉

6. hand-me-down：(尤指衣物)別人用過的

7. mattress [?m?tr?s] n. 褥墊，床墊

8. bunk [b??k] vi. 合鋪，合住

9. soup kitchen：(救濟貧民、無家可歸者等的)施粥所，施食處

10. clown car：小丑車，一種馬戲團表演時制造喜劇效果的道具。表演時，小丑車緩緩駛來，許多個小丑忽然從一輛小車里鉆出來。

11. withdrawal [w???dr???l] n. 戒毒(或脫癮)過程

12. Hells Kitchen：地獄廚房，位于紐約市的34街到57街，8大道，近海的一個地方。那里住的大部分是愛爾蘭的美國人。