Virginia Woolf’s Last Day

Rebecca Beatrice Brooks

∷吳悠 選 段會香 注

弗吉尼亞·伍爾夫是英國意識流文學的代表作家，被譽為20世紀現代主義與女性主義的先鋒。她的一生都在優雅和瘋癲之間游走。她的文學生命綻放得無比絢爛，但是在作品完成后，她總會陷入短暫的瘋癲，而那個為伍爾夫絕世才華所傾倒的男人則一直無怨無悔地悉心照料著時刻處于瘋癲陰影下的妻子。

On the day Virginia Woolf committed suicide, Friday March 28th 1941, Leonard had tried to keep Virginia occupied1. occupied: 忙碌的。,knowing that she wasn’t well and needed to keep busy. Yet,though he feared she was headed for another mental breakdown and was possibly on the verge of suicide, he still allowed her out of his sight at times because he knew that keeping her con fined caused her stress and he did not want to be overbearing.2. 然而，雖然他擔心她會走向下一次精神崩潰，還可能會有自殺的想法，但他有時還是會讓她暫時離開自己的視線，因為他知道一直限制著她會給她壓力，而他并不想對她專橫。be headed for:朝……方向去；breakdown: 崩潰；on the verge of: 接近，瀕臨；con fined: 受限制的；overbearing: 專橫的，傲慢的。

According to Leonard’s autobiography, the decision not to put Virginia under the surveillance of nurses or caretakers “was wrong and led to the disaster.”3. 倫納德的自傳中說道，不讓護士或看護人看管弗吉尼亞的決定“是錯誤的，并且導致了災難的發生”。autobiography:自傳；surveillance: 監督，監管；caretaker: 護理人，看護者。

Virginia’s day started out badly, with the Woolf’s housekeeper, Louie Mayer, later stating that she had spoken to Virginia in her bedroom that morning “because it seemed to be one of her bad days again.”4. start out: 開始；state: 說明，陳述。

Louie later explained that as she went about her housework, Leonard asked her to give Virginia a feather duster so she could help her clean5. go about: 做，處理；feather duster: 雞毛撣。,according to the bookLeonard Woolf: a Biography: “I gave her a duster,but it seemed very strange. I had never known her want to do any housework with me before.”

The dusting didn’t last long for Virginia as she soon put the feather duster down and went out to her writing lodge in the backyard.6. 弗吉尼亞只打掃了一會兒，便放下雞毛撣到她后院的書房去了。lodge: 小屋，小舍。Wanting to keep an eye on her, Leonard visited her in her lodge at 11 a.m. and saw her writing something. During their conversation, Virginia said she was going to do some housework and then go for a walk before lunch. Virginia and Leonard then returned to the house together and Leonard told her to lie down and rest for a half hour while he went up to his study to work.

After Leonard went upstairs, Louie stated that she saw Virginia go back out to her writing lodge, then return to the house, put on her fur7. fur: 毛皮。coat and her Wellington boots, pick up her walking stick and walk outside towards the front gate.

Virginia’s biographer, Hermoine Lee, suspects it was either during the first trip to the house with Leonard or the second trip to put on her coat that Virginia left her suicide notes to Leonard and her sister,8. suspect: 懷疑；suicide note: 自殺遺書，絕命書。Vanessa, on the table in the upstairs sitting-room. She also left a second note to Leonard in her writing lodge, though it is not clear when she placed it there.

After Virginia exited the front gate, she passed the church on her way down the river Ouse.9. 弗吉尼亞出了大門，在去歐塞河的路上還經過一個教堂。Along the way,a villager, Bert Skinner, saw Virginia walking but didn’t think anything strange about her behavior. At about twenty minutes to noon, a farm worker cleaning ditches by an osier bed,10. ditch: 溝渠；osier: 柳樹。John Hubbard, also saw her walking towards the river. He often saw Virginia walking along the river but usually in the afternoon. After watching her for a few minutes, he went home for lunch. It was the last time anyone saw Virginia alive.

At 1 p.m. Louie rang the bell for lunch. Leonard later wrote in his biography “I was in the garden and thought she was in the house.” When Leonard went upstairs to the sitting-room to listen to the news, he found the suicide notes. After reading the one addressed to him,Leonard ran down the stairs shouting “Louie! I think something has happened to Mrs. Woolf! I think she may have tried to kill herself!”

Leonard searched the house and the garden while Louie ran to fetch a friend, Percy Batholomew, who then located the village policeman Wilfred Collins.11. fetch: 去接；locate: 找到。They immediately ran to the river, where Virginia was known to take long walks. There, Leonard found Virginia’s footprints and walking stick on the river bank but there was no sign of her. Some of the men dove into the water while others brought tackle and ropes to dredge the river:12. dove into: 跳入水中，dove為dive的過去式；tackle: 索具；dredge:疏浚，挖掘。

According to Lee, Leonard searched the surrounding area for any sign of her:

“Leonard thought Virginia might have gone up to the ruin13. ruin: 廢墟。they called‘Mad Misery,’ and he and Louie went to look. They searched for her‘along the water meadows, and the river bank, and the brooks, until it was night-time and we had to give up.’ Vanessa came, when he got back home.Leonard told her the catastrophic14. catastrophic: 災難性的。news. Every single day, including this one, Leonard entered into his diary the cumulative mileage of his car, plus the mileage that day, which on March 28 was thirteen, taking Vanessa back to Charleston.15. 每一天，倫納德都會在日記里記錄他的車所跑的里程數，包括事發當日，也就是3月28號那天，送瓦納薩回查爾斯頓之后，車一共跑了13英里。 cumulative: 累積的；mileage: 英里數，里程。The rest of the space is obscured by a brownish-yellow stain which has been rubbed or wiped.16. 剩下的地方被一塊擦過或抹過的棕黃色污跡蓋住了。obscure: 使模糊不清；stain: 污點，污跡；rub:擦。It could be coffee or tea or tears.This smudge17. smudge: 污跡。is unique in all his years of neat diary-keeping.”

Later that evening, Leonard found the second suicide note Virginia had left for him in her writing lodge. He examined it closely and believed it was what he had seen Virginia writing that morning when he visited her in her lodge. The note read:

“Dearest,

I want to tell you that you have given me complete happiness. No one could have done more than you have done. Please believe that.

But I know that I shall never get over18. get over: 克服，戰勝。this: and I am wasting your life. It is this madness. Nothing anyone says can persuade me. You can work, and you will be much better without me. You see I can’t write this even, which shows I am right. All I want to say is that until this disease came on we were perfectly happy. It was all due to you. No one could have been so good as you have been, from the very first day till now. Everyone knows that.

V.”

Virginia’s body was found three weeks later after it was washed up19. wash up: （浪）將……沖上岸。near the bridge in Southease.