Jimmy's horse ranch on paper

廣東 莫 艷

吉米是一個貧窮的馴馬師的兒子。 有一天，他的老師要求全班同學寫一篇有關夢想的作文，他便在作文里詳細地描述了他希望有朝一日能擁有一個馬場的夢想……

Jimmy was a little boy who lived in San Sedro, where there were a lot of big horse ranches（馬場）,farms and stables（馬廄）. However, none of these belonged to him.

The boy was the son of a poor horse trainer. He lived in a small shabby cottage with his father,and his father only owned an old horse. His father loved his job very much, though. Training horses was the dream of his father from an early age. His father would go from stable to stable, farm to farm and ranch to ranch, training horses happily. As a result, the boy loved horses very much. However, his big dream was not training horses, but owning a horse ranch.

One day, the boy's school teacher asked all the students to write a paper about what they wanted to be when they grew up. That night, he was so excited that he wrote a seven-page paper describing his dream of someday owning a horse ranch.He wrote about his dream in great details and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the tracks（跑道）. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on the 200-acre dream ranch.

He put a great deal of his heart into the paper and the next day he handed it in to his teacher with great confidence. However, to his disappointment, when he received his paper back two days later,on the front page was a large red F with a note that read, “See me after class.”

The boy went to see the teacher after class and asked sadly, “Why did I receive an F?” The teacher replied coldly, “This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You come from a poor family. Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money. No matter how hard you try, there's no way you could ever do it.” Then the teacher added in a low voice, “ If you rewrite your paper with a more realistic dream and hand it in tomorrow, I will reconsider your grade.”

Language Study

Ⅰ. Difficult sentences

1. Jimmy was a little boy who lived in San Sedro, where there were a lot of big horse ranches,farms and stables.

譯文：吉米是一個生活在圣塞德羅的小男孩，那里有許多大馬場、農場和馬廄。

分析：本句中where引導定語從句，where是關系副詞，在從句中充當地點狀語。

2. He wrote about his dream in great details and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch,showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the tracks.

譯文：他很詳細地描述了他的夢想，甚至畫了一張關于占地200英畝的馬場設計圖，上面標有所有建筑物、馬廄和跑道的位置。

分析：本句的showing為現在分詞作伴隨狀語，in great details意為“很詳細地”。

Ⅱ. Expressions for emotions

1. That night, he was so excited that he wrote a seven-page paper describing his dream of someday owning a horse ranch.

那天晚上，他非常興奮，寫了一篇長達七頁的文章，描述了他希望有朝一日能擁有一個馬場的夢想。

2. He put a great deal of his heart into the paper and the next day he handed it in to his teacher with great confidence.

他在這篇文章上花了很多心思，第二天，他很有信心地把它交給了老師。

3. However, to his disappointment, when he received his paper back two days later, on the front page was a large red F with a note that read, “See me after class.”

然而，令他失望的是，兩天后當他收到他的文章時，文章第一頁有一個又大又紅的F，上面還寫著：“下課后來見我。 ”

4. The boy went to see the teacher after class.

這個男孩下課后去找老師。

5. The teacher replied coldly.

老師冷漠地回答。

Ⅲ. Pattern to learn

On the front page was a large red F with a note that read, “See me after class.”

分析：“地點狀語+謂語+主語”是一個倒裝的表達，強調了地點狀語。

仿寫：桌子上放著一個大信封。

Reading Check

閱讀上面的短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；

2. 續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

When the boy arrived home with tears in his eyes,his father was brushing his old horse.________

20years later, sitting on the sofa in a4,000-square-foot house, Jimmy was lost in thought while looking at the school paper with an F framed over the fireplace.________________________________

寫作導引

一、語篇研讀

要想續寫內容與所給材料內容連貫、銜接緊密，我們必須充分了解所給材料的大意。 本文是一篇記敘文，文章分析如下：

二、情節構思

我們可以基于標題、原文和續寫段落首句提供的信息，構思要續寫的故事情節。 這一構思分為三步。

第一步，根據已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

根據續寫第一段的首句“When the boy arrived home with tears in his eyes, his father was brushing his old horse.”，我們可以推測出男孩很難過。男孩回家后看見爸爸會怎么做？他的心情如何？ 根據前文可知，他的老師讓他第二天把修改后的作文交過去，他無法拿定主意的時候，是否會向他的爸爸征求意見？ 他最終是否會改變他的夢想？ 他又會跟老師說點什么呢？ 接下來這些應該會有所交代。 續寫第二段的首句 “20 years later, sitting on the sofa in a 4,000-square-foot house,Jimmy was lost in thought while looking at the school paper with an F framed over the fireplace.”中出現的a 4,000-square-foot house是吉米在作文中描寫的內容，且裱起來的school paper也是獲得“F”的。 所以我們可以推測出續寫的第一段中，吉米沒有改變他的夢想。 吉米看著school paper陷入沉思，那么接下來應該交代沉思的內容，從而體現主人公吉米堅持夢想的故事主題。

第二步，圍繞續寫第一段所給出的段首句“When the boy arrived home with tears in his eyes,his father was brushing his old horse.”進行提問構思：

（1）When the boy saw his father, what would the boy do?

（2）How would his father react?

（3）What was the boy's final decision? Would he change his dream or not?

（4）What would the boy say to his teacher?

第三步，根據續寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續寫第一段要寫什么。

分析一下第二段所給出的段首句“20 years later, sitting on the sofa in a 4,000-squarefoot house, Jimmy was lost in thought while looking at the school paper with an F framed over the fireplace.”，可以推斷續寫第一段中那篇得了“F”的作文被保留了下來，也就是吉米堅持了他的夢想。 如此安排，確保兩段之間銜接合理、情節連貫，體現了堅持夢想的正面價值觀。

根據前文吉米對自己夢想的詳細描述以及續寫第二段段首句進行提問構思：

（1）When Jimmy was lost in thought, what was he thinking about?

（2）How did he feel?

（3）Outside the house, what was there?

三、潤色成篇

在續寫的過程中要注意“續”的原則，做到主題、情節、語言風格一致。 具體如下：

（1）通過分析可知，本文的主題是弘揚積極正面的價值觀，如堅持夢想，故續寫時應注意結局的設計；

（2）續寫的情節應和前面的開始和發展吻合，可根據人物的性格特點進行合理的預測；

（3）前文中有多處心理描寫和動作描寫，且用了大量的分詞短語、介詞短語、副詞，以及一些倒裝句和定語從句，續寫時應注意并模仿這些語言風格；

（4）續寫時注意長短句相結合，句型豐富，以及語法、用詞、標點符號的準確性。